Let It Fall — a monologue

I let if fall between us. You know what I mean? Sometimes I can see where this is going and get away before I start swinging.

That’s what I’m trying to tell you.

Are you in the car? Don’t talk on the phone in the car. You’re not in the car, right? Just say yes. Say YES. OK.

My sister and my hair, for example. For FIFTEEN YEARS she always makes mention, every time I see her, that it’s just too bad I cut all my hair off. And it’s thick, my hair is so thick, and the gray was starting to come in, and all I was doing was tying it into a French braid, anyway, so I did it. Remember? I went to shoulder length and then two weeks later I went back to Joey and got the rest cut off. And he did such a good job. I loved Joey. I miss him.

Anyway, every time, EVERY time I went to Maggie’s, she’d say it’s too bad; my long hair was SO PRETTY and my short cut is, “…well, it’s just a little masculine, it just is.” And always she says that, right; and always I go off. I tell her no way and who is she and WHAT’S WRONG WITH BUTCH and oh Christ, no one can stop me. I did shut up after I didn’t yell after Logan and Tiffany were born. Yelling in front of kids is not cool .

I’d grit, though, grit my teeth. And once I told her get ready, ‘cause Tiffany drank the water.

Never mind. Are you still there?

OK, OK, this is why I say it. I know you don’t like Maggie, but here it is: I got it, what I can do. Last time I was at went? Totally worked. Here comes the coffee, here’s the cookies, there go the kids to the backyard, right? And now we’re going to sit and talk like sisters. I hate her coffee. Sure enough, she says about ten minutes in, she says “Remember when you got that permanent, when you were in grad school? It was so long and pretty and the curls fell on your face so nicely.” I heard that, I felt the shot, it was like I saw the bullet, it was coming right at me, you know? Yes, you do, you know. And here’s what I did: I let it fall between us. I got crystal clear that I can let it fall.

Fall, get it? NOT RESPOND.

Didn’t even hurt not to respond. I didn’t wait a minute, like in the past, and then nail her, something about her bounced checks or that the cat box stank up the house. Nope. Just smiled and swilled some of the coffee.

It was fantastic, fantastic! You should not believe how pissed she got. She’s still not speaking to me.

And all I did was let it fall.

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